05 Jan Turning Over a New Leaf
2 Chronicles 15:7 “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”
New Year’s Eve was not how I planned. I wanted to celebrate. I had organised to catch up with friends but that didn’t work out so I thought I would go join in local festivities. What I wasn’t counting on was being overwhelmingly exhausted. Chronic Fatigue is ever present, it has been A Mountainous Journey. Sometimes I have a good day of energy (or few) where I feel full of beans, it is like experiencing life before Chronic Fatigue. Other times like NYE I feel like tiredness infiltrates everything; my body feels like weights have been added to it when I wasn’t looking, my head feels like it has cotton balls in it with heaviness. My whole being screams with impressive loudness SLEEP which ironically can make me feel I have a hangover and disrupts my sleep at night time. It is hard to get the delicate balance right; doing too much makes the symptoms worse but doing too little also makes the symptoms worse.
I ended up staying home and being in bed by 10pm. Not exactly what I had in mind. To make matters worse I had a mini panic attack. Tears. Racing heart. Difficulty breathing. Feeling trapped. I thought that if my plan for NYE didn’t work out what about all the other (long – term) plans I have? In that moment I allowed my panic to grow and my limitations with it. I say mini panic attack because I was able to bring myself back to more neutral ground. How? By telling myself several truths:
- It is perfectly fine to take care of yourself and your health
- Not everyone will have big plans to celebrate NYE
- You have been celebrating pretty consistently throughout December
- Keep hopeful in your plans – just because they have not happened yet doesn’t mean they won’t
I decided I needed only one New Year’s resolution, I chose learn how to drive. Some factors I considered while choosing this resolution was:
- Is it realistic? I have allowed perhaps a more realistic time frame, considering originally I was hoping to learn how to drive by February.
- Do I find joy in achieving it? Even though learning to drive is difficult, I do enjoy driving.
- Is it achievable? The OT (Occupational Therapist) and Driving Instructor are optimistic that I will be able to learn how to drive it will just take time, although they are not sure how long it will take!
- Is it useful for my future self? Learning how to drive is a resolution that keeps on giving now and into the future.
I encourage you to be hopeful and to never give up. To turn your ‘leaf’ over and see life from a different perspective. Last year one driving lesson I seemed to do everything wrong; I struggled to stay in my lane or make a U – turn etc. I felt quite discouraged. The next week, the other side to my leaf, I had another driving lesson and everything went really well. It is all about perspective and not losing hope in our plans just because we struggle in any particular moment.