Resurgence of the Shadows

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

This week has been a rollercoaster of emotion. I have been preparing to share part of my story in front of a live audience for the first time. For a few months now I have written insights into my journey through Dandelion Dust & Honey. I have found (though already knew) that writing is very different to speaking, even very different between experiences.

The public speaking experiences previously in High School and University compared to now are vastly different for me.

Shorter time vs. longer time

Sharing information vs. sharing life

Read notes word for word vs. dot point structure

Have criteria to meet vs. wait for feedback

Requires no emotion vs. honesty, rawness and vulnerability

Anxiety, stress, worry and fear vs. joy and excitement despite the anxiety, stress, worry and fear

My anxiety, stress, worry and fear are knocking me down with negativity such as what if I freeze and can’t say anything? But I am getting back up and fighting back with positivity.

I need to give myself the freedom not to be perfect and to be myself.

It is normal to feel anxious about new experiences.

You may feel bruised by anxiety, stress, worry and fear but you are still fighting. Don’t give up.

You have made progress. The old me would have never agreed to share and would have definitely backed out by now as the self – induced pressure would be too great.

No one can tell your story like you can.

Though you are anxious you are excited – remember the highs when you are in the lows.

Jesus will be with you as your co-speaker – prepare together, present together and leave the rest up to Jesus.

I am so disappointed in myself for allowing anxiety, stress, worry and fear to make such a strong resurgence. It felt like I had made no progress in this area of my life at all like I was right back at the beginning. We need to make a deliberate choice to remember how far we have come and never give up. Don’t let fear stop you even if it means turning up with knees shaking.





1 Comment
  • Fiona Anderson
    Posted at 21:27h, 02 February Reply

    Morning Cathryn, Absolutely love reading your posts because you are talking what you are feeling and going through. And so very honest. Amy also has high anxiety I took her to see her paediatrician this wk about this. He told her not to forget to breathe and visual the end of something to help her. Like if she is flying what will happen at the end. She will arrive at her holiday and have a good time. When she does exams at the end they are done. I think you speaking this wk will go so well you will surprise your self. The visual at the end you will achieve a wonderful goal. Wish I could be there to be there to hear you. But I feel it will be the first of many. So I will get to hear you one day soon. All the best wishes, Aunty Fiona x

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