23 Feb Just Jump
Isaiah 49:10 – 11 “They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water. I will turn all my mountains into roads, and my highways will be raised up.”
Last week in Uniquely You I wrote:
I might get really excited to study something, volunteering opportunities have the possibility to increase or I may gain some work – who knows but God. He knows the next step in each of our lives we have to learn to trust Him because there is no greater plan than the one God designs for us.
I invited Jesus into my plans wanting Him very much to give direction for my future, not just for the short term but long term as well. Friday morning (the day after I posted Uniquely You) I got a text message from my grandpa that said:
Dear Cathryn, have just read your latest. U have proved you are very, very capable at higher learning. If you are guided to take up further study may your 90 year old friend suggest that it be something that enables you to set up your own business? The degree you have proved that you handled tertiary study 10 out of 10. Lots of love.
Jesus whispered into my heart at that moment that He would like me to go back to study a business or business management degree. I was really excited yet apprehensive because I never thought of myself running anything, working under someone, yes, but calling the shots, never. My Mum suggested a few days earlier that I could study a business degree but I put her off like many others that have had similar ideas. It was interesting, because every excuse I had, Jesus prompted my thoughts with an answer.
I don’t have good financial management.
Jesus can help you to make wise decisions and you can always seek advice from those around you who make good financial decisions.
I don’t know how to run a business, maybe we should wait until I am perfect in at least the essential areas.
You don’t have to be perfect to do something, you just need to be willing to learn, change and adapt, much the same as you make changes on your blog.
The idea that I make all the decisions scares me.
Isn’t that what you’re experiencing with your blog? Peter is the photographer but you are the creative director, your Mum is the editor but you are the writer. They get their directions from you, even though they offer suggestions you are the one that makes the decisions.
I want to learn from someone.
You still can, but you are really good at teaching yourself.
I don’t have business skills.
Really? You are an ideas person. You are willing to learn. You think through options before making a decision. You are creative, passionate, determined and hardworking. And together Jesus and you make an awesome team.
So it turned from a why not? To just jump. Knowing Jesus is holding my hand. Just like my first university experience, in Unexpected Detour I wrote:
But I knew Jesus was in it because against all odds I got an offer, some people get no offers at all and as I was taking an accommodation tour I was offered the last wheelchair accessible room on campus – I hadn’t even gone to the university’s open day to express my interest.
That doesn’t mean it was all smooth sailing for me. I had to get used to having personal carers as my parents had helped me previously (think strangers seeing you naked because they help get you ready for the day). My anxiety and stress skyrocketed due to various things, such as, study pressures and everything being so new and unknown. In fact, the night I moved into my residence for the next year I was so overwhelmed I went to bed early and cried myself to sleep sure that I had made the worst decision of my life.
Jesus knew I needed this adventure in more ways than one. My situation with carers remained. My anxiety and stress remained. But despite the storms whirling around me, and indeed within me, Jesus provided for my needs. He knew I would walk away (and I was still tempted to do so many times) if I didn’t achieve good grades and more importantly make friends. Jesus provided so that I would thrive not just survive even though the storms were ever present.
22nd February marks one year since I had laser eye surgery which means no more glasses. Ever since I needed glasses in year 7 I hated them; mainly because of the way I looked and thus I avoided wearing them. As a result of not wearing them I couldn’t see things far away or in detail (people’s faces were blurry). When I finally made the decision to find out more it was a big deal; a) due to my previous experience with surgery (Beautiful Scars) made me hesitant to have a medical procedure of any kind and b) even though I hated, and I mean hated wearing glasses, I felt scared that if it went wrong I would be blind; bad eyesight is better than no eyesight.
So I went to an experienced laser eye surgery. After testing my eyes thoroughly they assured me the type of surgery chosen wouldn’t have the potential to send me blind because they weren’t cutting the eyes only scrapping them (gross, right?). On the day of surgery they put special glasses on me to show me what my eyesight could be like. I nearly cried. Now all I had to do was jump.
Things I wasn’t counting on whilst fulfilling my dream of no glasses was: the relaxant they give you before surgery took affect almost immediately (I admit I am sensitive) and made me like a rag doll. You are pretty dosed up (to help with healing) the week following surgery I had forgotten what that feels like. One of my contacts fell out (it protects the eye as it heals) before the appointment. Symptoms such as hazy vision, halo effect, dry eyes and feeling like my eyes had wood chips in them went on for longer than expected.
Each day though I could see things I had struggled in the past to see, such as people’s faces or watching TV. That is what I needed, evidence of what I could see with my vastly improved sight and Jesus provided.
You know going to university and having laser eye surgery turned out to be some of the best decisions I have made. Was it hard? Sure was. Did I ever doubt whether it was a good decision? Absolutely. But it was worth it. Jumping into the unknown is made easier when you trust Jesus, knowing He is there ready to catch you.