23 Mar Marco Polo
John 10:14 -16 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me – just as the Father knows me and I know the Father – and I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.”
This week my pastor shared from John 10:1-21 about The Shepherd and His Flock. Jesus used this to speak into my heart concerning His voice. That night I realised I wasn’t sure of Jesus’ voice. There are moments when I am sure; Jesus whispering into my heart for Set Free and Dancing in the Midst of the Storm and many other times. Yet there are moments when I doubt I have heard Him at all, leaving me feeling utterly confused and anxious. I prayed that night that I would learn to know His voice.
I have shared with you about my ongoing battle with anxiety, stress, worry and fear in Fighting Back and Resurgence of the Shadows. The next day I was writing empowering statements as part of my counselling. This is so I can remember any time I felt powerless, vulnerable and trapped (triggers for my fears). Well instead of feeling all empowered and positive I had a massive panic attack and felt completely terrified of my fears. I felt like I was drowning and choking with the intensity of them. It felt like there was no way out. My fears were crushing me. I knew what my fears wanted; they wanted me to back out. Out of my commitments. Out of the promises Jesus had given me. Out of life period. As the seconds ticked by and the fears escalated I seriously considered listening.
Courageous is not a word I would use to describe me. I honestly am the one crying in the corner. In the midst of the raging storm I found myself in, I needed someone who would not think twice about coming in to rescue me and protect me. I needed Jesus. Through my tears I begged that these fears wouldn’t become part of my life story – I even tried to barter with God. It got to the point where I yelled at myself “Stop! Just stop Cathy! Who do you think God is? He is powerful, wise, loving and stronger than anything in your head.” My tears turned into sobbing I said to Jesus “I am so terrified, I can’t walk right now you are going to have to carry me because in your arms is the only place I feel safe.” Jesus met me in the midst of the storm. He carried me. He calmed the storm so the sunshine shone once more. I felt Jesus move with incredible intensity in my heart. Jesus used a powerful storm to show me and reassure me of His power. His love. His voice.
Jesus longs to talk to you and help you with any storms you may be facing. Like me, you might not consider yourself courageous; but I encourage you to look to Jesus who would not think twice about being in the storm with you. If you sometimes struggle to know His voice I encourage you to ask Jesus about it and then be quiet and wait for His response.