18 May Who Would Have Thought
2 Timothy 2:20 – 21 “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.”
This week I have been preparing with Jesus to share a different part of my journey in life to a different live audience. This time I won’t be in my home church yet I will have familiar faces in the form of neighbours, friends and family. It has been three months since I last spoke and while Resurgence of the Shadows has come back again, in the form of anxiety, there has been another challenge this time around which I honestly wasn’t expecting. That is having Jesus and myself reintroduce ourselves to each other again. We have been going strong for months now; then I wasn’t sure who Jesus was anymore. I share about that experience in I Will Help You. Great timing I know. But through that experience Jesus and I grew closer and stronger. It reminds me of the journey I have been on to get to this place of sharing part of my story for the second time.
A lot of people have been encouraging by complimenting me on my speaking and writing ability. It is really sweet of them. My response, ‘I couldn’t have done it and continue to do so without Jesus.’ If you had told me five years ago I would be speaking and writing I would have laughed, thinking you had mistaken me for someone else. Don’t believe me? In grade four our class had to perform an end of year play. We got to choose our roles. Did I choose the role with the most lines to ensure I would have most of the limelight? No. I was the kid who came in at the end of the play and said two words. You read correctly TWO words. They were ‘I’m home’ I was so nervous I rushed on stage when it was time forgetting to wait for a microphone so no one probably even heard my two words! In case you are wondering I did spend time rehearsing my role, because you know two words have so much potential and possibility. Grade six proved to be my biggest speaking role (as a child) as one of the narrators of the school play. Some factors did impact the decision to give me such a large speaking part because I was in no way eager. Firstly bigger parts tended to go to people in higher grades, secondly I had recently had major surgery so was in a wheelchair and thirdly, everyone in the school had to have a part. High School was non-existent for speaking and writing as I struggled with really low self – esteem. Even in University I avoided extra writing and speaking. Anything I did do was required as part of the coursework. I remember one time, late in my degree, one of my lectures asked me if I would blog for the university. I was tempted to accept, mainly because my ego soared by the fact I was sort after. But the timing was all wrong; I was feeling burnt out emotionally and physically and I had no idea what to write. I ended up turning the blogging opportunity down.
Fast forward a year to 2016. Where I spent the year healing and changing by Letting Go of a lot of hurtful events in my past. It was the year I discovered I am truly lovable just as I am. These two things allowed me to gain a freedom I never thought I would have. In order to share my story whether written or spoken I had to come to a point that it was ok, excited even, to share my life with people even the hurtful parts. A place Jesus himself brought me to. A place I couldn’t have gotten to without him. A place I never believed possible, yet in 2017 it is a place I am living in.
I want to encourage you that Jesus has a unique purpose for each of you. Jesus can bring you to places in your life that you never imagined and help you do amazing things through Him.