This week’s blog post is unintentionally a follow on from Your Attitude Can Change Your Perspective. Sure I have been working on my attitude to consciously choose to be more positive, happy and hopeful; but there are still days, frequently I might add, where I feel crushed by the past that undeniably shapes my future.
It is no secret that life with Cerebral Palsy comes with daily challenges as I described in Letting Go:
I struggle with having to use a walking frame; let’s face it, it’s noisy, ugly and creates a force field which I swear has isolating powers. But I can’t leave the damn thing behind because I would get nowhere. Literally. I wish my life could have a more spontaneous spirit to it where I could go everywhere I want; unfortunately, my friends and family’s homes are often not accessible or public places have flights of stairs. I have always had a love of dancing, I even wanted to be a ballerina when I was growing up. If I want to dance with my brothers or dad at a wedding without a walking frame they have to hold me up which is physically demanding on them as I rely on them not to drop me, they haven’t – yet, thank goodness they’re strong!
As I was in tears yet again this week, over having Cerebral Palsy, I realised my personal challenges in life were being lived with the same crushing, heart – breaking intensity as if it were ten to 15 years ago. Yet I was at a loss as to how to change that. My Mum gave me advice that has worked wonders for her. Choose to stop being the victim. Choose to rise above your circumstances and move on.
This piece of advice allows my Mum to live life and share her story with others without the intense emotions of anger, hurt etc. Mum also pointed out this doesn’t mean she didn’t take time to work through her past and heal, neither does it mean she doesn’t cry or experience those emotions again in certain situations. It just means she has drawn a line in the sand and, despite what has happened in her past, she chooses daily to live free.
For me it means another, much needed, change in mindset. It means not ignoring the past because it did happen. The surgeries, the panic attacks, the bullying, the fears, the isolation, the wanting to fit in and many more painful life events did indeed happen, I was there. Yes I needed to go to counselling to work through things. I don’t know how I managed to stuff down the anger and hurt etc. deep down inside for so long. But it means I change the branding iron (negative) to seeing myself as a warrior (positive).
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
What I went through was so tough; what I struggle with today can break my heart. But… I AM A WARRIOR I have overcome challenges with the help of Jesus and my family and friends. With these people with me in every battle I know I can face the challenges to come and furthermore live the life of a warrior. Determined. Courageous. Happy. Hopeful. Free.
Love to you my fellow warriors,